Today, I was going to write a post. Because I decided to make Self-Care Sunday a thing last week, and knew you'd all be expecting it.
I was going to write a fabulous, amazing, wonderful, thoughtful post.
But when I sat down to write it... It wasn’t on my heart. Actually, not much was on my heart today. It was one of those terribly lazy days where everything turns out completely different than you thought it would, and you feel like you’ve disappointed people and left plans unfinished and not done a single thing you set out to do.
I expected that I would go to Gruene with a friend today, but slept in late. I expected that I would make a healthy breakfast, but crammed two Torchy’s tacos into my pie hole and chugged an iced coffee (which I haven’t had since before Halloween.) I thought I was going to write a blog post about being selfish, but I sat down and realized I had NOTHING. TO. Say.
It was on my heart a few days ago, but not anymore. This past week has been a bit transformative for me in more ways than one, and I think the sheer exhaustion of late nights spent crying and wondering and brainstorming and planning finally caught up with me today.
I sat down to write about being selfish this morning and why you should be more selfish with your energy and time, but had nothing to say!
So I put my computer down, and I headed out the door to get tacos and see where the day took me. I changed every single plan and expectation I had set for myself, and it felt GOOD.
Like, really freaking good. And I’ll tell you why -- It’s because I was selfish.
I didn’t do a single thing I didn’t want to do! When was the last time you had a day like that?
We put so much pressure on ourselves to be what other people expect us to be for them, to do what they expect us to do, and to put ourselves last in our lives. We grew up learning from our teachers and parents that being selfish is a bad thing, but is it always? On some levels we should be less selfish and more giving, of course, but on a mental and emotional scope being selfish is necessary.
It’s okay to say “no” and to take a mental health day if necessary. It’s okay to turn down dinner with a friend after work if you feel like you need space to be alone. It’s okay to give up trying to be perfect and trying to be what everyone needs you to be, because that’s an impossible task you weren’t divinely created to accomplish.
Being everything to everyone is an exhausting job, but what if you made taking care of YOU your new job? Make time to lay in bed staring at the ceiling and contemplating what’s been going on with you lately. Make time to take yourself on a coffee date or on a walk around the mall to try things on or on a bike ride around the neighborhood to clear your mind. Be selfish, make time for YOU, and revel in those quiet moments that are spent doing nothing you don’t want to do.
If you don’t make time to check in with yourself, see how you’re really doing, and recharge those batteries, you won’t have anything of yourself to give to others. I will always love and support and give to the people in my life, but on days like today it’s necessary to give to yourself a little more.
So today, and every day -- Make time for you. Take time to be bored, and learn about yourself, and recharge.
Be selfish... without being guilty.